Beauty.Words.Depth

A STORY OF HEALING AND HOW A SIMPLE FLOWER HAS THE POWER TO TRANSFORM

I don’t know what will come of this. I am not sure if anyone will actually read my words. But something in me deeply, deeply wants to provide you with the space and opportunity.

I have always loved writing. A creative pull, the desire of depth and beauty and an emerging of sorts are what brought me here. Perhaps this is a waste of time. But maybe, just maybe, someone will be inspired.

Or maybe the person that will be inspired by my words is me.

For the past 3 years, I have been on a journey of healing. I wasn’t diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, and you likely wouldn’t think twice about it if I told you about my symptoms and how my life has been changed. People deal with things, hard things, every day. If I am speaking honestly, the past 8 months have been a healing journey. The other 2 years and 4 months were filled with immense amounts of change, pain, sorrow and despair. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, barely making it through the day. I wanted so badly to hold it all together. But inside, I was falling apart.

In March of 2023, I experienced a life-changing situation that would leave me with extreme PTSD and Agoraphobia. I was barely able to leave my house, and when I did, it was the ice packs that kept me from having a panic attack. The outside scared me, the inside scared me, the dark haunted me and the quiet of just me and myself was too much to tolerate. I filled my time with people, but not too many people. No new experiences, no adventures, just me, living in a state of dysregulation and fear.

Going to a grocery store was too much, the drive to an appointment seemed beyond reach and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to continue to function as a wife, mom and business owner. At this point, I wasn’t truly living, I was just trying to survive.

Then, 2 years and 4 months into desperate prayers, acupuncture sessions, therapy appointments, attempting various medications and daily attempts of “fixing myself,” I gave up.

I released control.

I let go.

I quit.

For a “type A” person like me, it felt like an unraveling.

It was exactly what I needed.

“If trying to control the state of my nervous system got me nowhere, then not trying to control my nervous system surely couldn’t make things worse,” I thought to myself.

This space is going to tell about my journey, how I overcame and the beauty that ushered me the entire way.

Most importantly, this space is going to tell the story of how God has woven my work into a method of healing, and how a simple flower has the power to transform.